Tuesday, October 7, 2008
i cant believe myself. its been soooooooooo long. why am i still crying for him? am i not happy now? do i miss him that much? do i miss him at all? why do i still have to keep viewing his msn and his blog? hmm since he already deleted me in facebook and friendster i think. can't we be friends? why?! i tought i've moved on. ever since he gave up, we broke up i never drop a tear. why now? can someone tell me why? i really can't believe myself. why am i crying for him now but not then? i admit its my wrong for lie'ing to him.
but its too damn complicated for others to understand my situation. no matter what i said, what i've told. the same thing will come bac to me "its not complicated, its very easy only. ur stories always change" bla bla bla... its not my stories that always changed. its always been that way. like i'd said "COMPLICATED" if all of u can b in my position like what i am in right now. u would hv understand. but no one does. everything i said and done. everything changes. especially on her. i treated her like my best friend i don even know whether she does anot. all she does is say whatever i say sometimes doesnt make sense.
my other friends who knew me. knew my problems told me mayb she did it on purpose. yea mayb. i guess i hv to agree with that. when i was with him she loved to tag along with us. i duno what's her plan. before we broke up. we often have arguement's. and that time on i've been cryin alot. i called mae to talk bout it. everything she says its tru. he fell for her!
but after all this while. now i think back. everything my closes friend told me is all tru. she said to me
"mayb that ***** is just jealous of you. she has a plan. u better be real careful"
why dint i listen to mae in the 1st place? am i that stupid?
i dont even know why did i trust that ***** in the 1st place. i just wanna be a better person.
learn how to love someone and be loved. is that so hard? why whenever i put my whole heart towards that someone, i'll get something like this. when will it end?! 
i guess they still got contact each other. i dint plan to see him again. until that day ***** called me out for lunch. i ask her who's goin. she just laugh! wadda-heck. by then i knew oh its him. i told her i not enuff cash. she say nvm la. just come. then i knew something. so i ask her. you wan me teman you iszit. then she say yes.
i was like O_o totally nothing to say. i was so bored ther. dint eat. just drank only. after that he paid for her lunch. i knew that he would. so i dint wanna say anything. din wanna talk. dunno what to say. i guess ther's nothing else ther is for me to say. since i think he still like's her. idk! sigh~ ther's nothing much i can do that time. all i can do is just keep quite, listen and do nothing. oh well.
*cheeeeriio~
12:22 PM should she give up? ♥
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