forget the risk, take the fall :D

Monday, April 27, 2009

been super busy lately... now only can update -.-
so anyways here it goes... its all damn emo'ish.. hahaa
enjoy !

25 apr
i still miss u..
i don know why i would cry when my friends called me up today..
i've been thinkin alot would it b my fault? idk
ther's just too much memories here in kl..
i might b leavin kl for a few weeks mayb months..

to my dearly friends who called me up today..

THANK YOU for caring all this while..

shawn, thanks for calling me eventho ur sleepy (:

to my this very special friend who i called him "hamster" LOL

i really appreaciate for callin me until ur cred finished using both phones..

btw sorry weih.. i felt bad ):

21 apr
i thought im okay.. but today it turns out the other way.
im still havin the pain in my heart.
i still drop a tear whenever i think of u!

17 apr
i got over u?
i dont think so.. today i found out u got so worried.. nth is gonna happen to me..
thats what i told u & now im showin u im thinkin positive..
yea i am but u dint know i still misses u badly..
no one know's only he and his girl..
im gonna b single from now until when im ready.. mayb 1 yr?
no one believe's due to my past. LOL
but i knw myself.. i put all my feelings into this relationship
i never loved anyone this deep befor..
no even my family members..
actually from that day we broke up.
i never wanted to let go.. but u forced me to..
so now all i can do is b positive & enjoy my life..
i wont knw when im goin to die.. nobody knw's only GOD .
my life is in his hands. so yea..
im now single but not available..

to the ones whom i've rejected im sorry

im just not ready for another relationship..

i don wanna hurt u guys..

cos as i knw loving someone is something really beautiful..

& i don wanna play around..

so this is my reason. if u guys think im bullshyt'ing, lie'ing and so on..

its up to u.. well, this is me. this is how i am now so deal with it..

ill b ur friend, can joke around with and all.. i just need time to let go

& b like my ownself back.. i don know how long i need..

this is all what i hv to say..

to my dearly friends im sorry im being like that..

pls bare with me.. ill try my very best.

NO promises tho..

to guys pls don say "forever" to ur love ones unless u relly meant it

& u can do it..

nothing is more painful than loving someone that u know he doesnt..

in that msg u wrote ur happy its cos' ur glad that i've let go but its not that simple..

10 apr
got 6 missed calls..
2 from abby and 4 from jakjak..
was workin so i turned off my phone..
finished workin at 9pm called jakjak askin why he called me..
then he said nth -.-
then called abby he picked up and told me
he just broke up with his girl..
he told me his damn sad.. then he changed topic
askin me how am i..
so i answered him.. erm not bad la.. then i cried again..
idk why.. but i guess its cos of him..
i still miss him.. ):

anyways... thanks for all the caring & concern to those who knew

& all those advice, talks and outings

just to make me forget & enjoy.

THANK YOU (:

i really appreaciate it..

im now thinkin very positively..
i just finished watchin that video we took
altho i miss u very much but today i smiled thinkin back
all the happy times we had together..
all the silly lil things u did made me smile..
no one can ever make me smile like that.. if ther is also is all fake..
i really miss us being together.. altho i know u've moved on..

9 apr
after coll i went to 15 meet up with tee sinn, ah ying & kumar at autosurf
on9 for awhile, checked friendster and i saw ur bulletin & u wrote ther askin what is love?
i would love to tel u.. love is not like what ur doin right now..
1stly its cos' u don know how to appreaciate..
2ndly, ur that kind of guy who loves to enjoy, yes u can enjoy, but not like this..
everything u said to me i thought back, iszit tru? or ur just lie'ing?
u DONT know how to love urself so don love & hurt others
u've hurt me, ok fine i'll just deal with it.. im the unlucky one
i'll try to let it go but in my heart ther's still u from that day onwards i neva let go..
perhaps im just too stupid..
i kept thinkin bout us.. do we still hv another chance? will we get back together?
but now i think back and im havin 2nd thoughts..
if u did asked me back will i accept? after everything u did? eventho u said u've changed.. but that will never ever happen..
i tried my very best to let go but for now i cant..
i wondered hv u ever thought of being commited? mayb not..
ur thinkin is still too shallow..
but for other things like financial for example ur good at it..
i wanna add this nobody is perfect even YOU..
for me ur perfect enough..
never ever thought of that?
think deeper.. don tel me im still small..
yes mayb for u, my thinkin is still like a small kid..
oh pls, im actin like my age.. but ur not..
& yes i still hv alot to learn & i still hv the time to learn it..
i wont b like u puttin everythingall at once learnin it all at the same time..
i really hope u'll change for the better and not worst..

5th apr
till today i cant stop thinkin bout u..
all this time i still hv the thought of u.. i never stop thinkin..
whenever i beed to or want to share somethings that made me frustrated i really hope that i can share it with u but now ther's no chances.
i feel like huggin u & not letting u go, thats all just fairytales now..
nothing can stop me from thinkin bout u.

i miss u very much!

1 apr
im still thinkin bout u & im still sad..
my life is messed up right now..
i really cant take the pain anymore.. i really cant..
i need u by my side but i know that wont happen..
u sais u cant love anyone after ur bro passed away
to me thats all bullshyt. i know now u hv a girlf already.
its like damn fast u got a new 1..
eventho i hv but still no one can replace u.. idk why..
i've been rejectin ppl since we broke up until now..
i really cant take it anymore..

i still love you..

29 mar

im still thinkin bout u.. i thought i could let u go.. but i cant..

after what ur friend said ytd im now tryin to calm myself down..

i cant love anyone anymoe..

this is what happen's when a person's heart is broken..

no one can fix it now..

no matter how hard i try changin u wont love me..

i knew it from the begining we wont last long but i dint know it would hurt this much.

this totally changed my attitude & everything else..

u made my life full odf happiness altho sometimes u made me sad..

no one can ever do it..

but u choose not to appreciate..

its not that i don understand u.. i understand u very well..

its all just ur excuses.. the truth is u don love me from the begining..

whenever u step in the club my phone started ringin..

whenever i heard my phone rang i don wanna hear what u did but i hv no choice..

why cant u appreciate me instead of havin other girls..

i know im not pretty and i know im fat, not beautiful like other girls

but will they ever love u like i do?

perhaps they will, no onw knws.. mayb its just, meant to b..

26 mar

i cried when i was in the club..

the thoughts just came back..

i miss how when i talked to my friends and u hugged me from behind..

i really missed it.. i dont know why i cant let u go..

i used to like the feeling when ther's guys tryin to get me..

now its just nothing to me.. i don ignore guys when they're flirtin

and tryin their very best to get me but now i do..

3:25 AM should she give up? ♥